Navigating New Directions

Embracing Vulnerability and Naiveté

Stepping into the unknown, whether by choice or circumstance, can feel like entering a labyrinth in the dark without a map. In these moments of transition, we often find ourselves at our most vulnerable and naive. Yet, paradoxically, it's also when we're most open to growth, new opportunities and discovery.

When life takes on a new direction, whether through a deliberate decision or an unforeseen twist of fate, there's a natural inclination to cling to what feels safe and familiar. We may resist the uncertainty of change, fearing the risks ahead. However, it's precisely in these moments that allowing ourselves to be vulnerable can lead to profound transformation.

Personal Example.

Two years ago, I had a significant functional seizure. I lost mobility, short-term memory, coordination, and the ability to talk and write. To avoid hospitalisation, I had to do something I've avoided from my entire life. I had to let sufficient support into my home and disclose how much help I needed to function at a fundamental level. 

I had to trust people in a vulnerable and defenceless state, which filled me with pure terror. I could not trust that they wouldn't abuse their power. It profoundly and repeatedly shocked me to discover they didn't. All they did was help me and see me with a kindness and compassion that I'd not had for myself. They remembered things for me and anticipated what I would forget to ensure I got to my appointments on time. Together, we tried new things and strategies to recover while I underwent testing to make sure it wasn't epilepsy.

Over the two years, I have encountered a few support individuals who proved unsafe, disingenuous, and untrustworthy. While this was very upsetting and triggering, it was not as bad as I'd feared or the end of the world. The damage was minimal. The rest of my support network helped me identify what wasn't right and how to disengage them safely. They also helped me find safe individuals in their stead.

The power of Correct Professional Help is like Having a Map and Torch to Navigate the Labyrinth.

It took a year before there was a clinical diagnosis of functional seizure and another year before I entered the Functional Seizure program and clinical trial at the Alfred Hospital. During this time, my allied health and support network has helped me recover in the best way we could navigate without their expertise. I've nonetheless lived in fear of having another significant functional seizure and not having the capacity to recover to the same extent because never has it taken me this long to recover. Nor have I ever beenso aggressively impacted by what I just used to shrug off as my falls, loss of consciousness, dissociation or blackouts. 

In the past month, I've been working with psychiatrists at the Functional Seizure Clinic at Alfred Hospital. I've learned so much about how I can prevent, manage, and recover better from seizures. A lot of my daily life has to be modified. Implementing this as an automatic way of life will take much work and time to crystalise. I appreciate having reached a point of knowing what I can do going forward. Knowing things I can do rather than fearing and not knowing the best way to handle functional seizures leaves me empowered with choices and actions I can efficiently and effectively take on.

Adapting to New Directions

Although I do wish I'd known this and started it years ago, I have to take responsibility for this. I've had functional seizures since I was 14. I didn't know that's what they were or let people know because I didn't trust anyone and didn't want to be medicated or put in a facility. Although they were increasing in frequency and the time it took to recover during Covid lockdowns, I avoided the testing for functional seizures before the significant one occurred in May 2022 where I lost all functionality. I avoided testing because I didn't want to be told something was wrong with my brain or have an additional diagnosis on my medical records. 

Life Outside our Comfort Zone.

It's very triggering to have so many aspects of my life, body and mind, out of my control and ongoing work involved to manage basic functioning in daily life. It took me a long time to accept that I might never recover my ability to write again and fully embrace painting as the only thing I can do, as well as being what I love doing more than writing. It's just that I didn't choose, anticipate, or intentionally decide to go down the path of art. From one day to the next, it became my only option. 

Strangely enough, today, two years later, I can write again. After putting together this website, I decided to try blogging before asking the person supporting me to hide it. Assuming I still couldn't write, I wanted to try because I liked how the blog template looked. 

Accept What Is--What we Fear is so much Worse than the r\Reality we Avoid in Fear. 

Just because we don't know, it's not in our control, or we've never done something we're unwantedly confronted with or don't know what we're doing doesn't mean it's out of our scope to figure out. Or that we have to navigate it alone. It's equally crucial to push past our comfort zone and known territory safely and reach out for safe support where necessary. 

Standing in our vulnerability means acknowledging our fears and insecurities but also embracing the possibility of failure and rejection. It requires us to let go of our need for control and perfection and surrender to the flow of life and how, in many ways, what is real trumps perfection. Opening ourselves up to vulnerability creates space for authenticity, connection, and growth.

Similarly, embracing naiveté can be a powerful catalyst for exploration and innovation. When we approach new experiences with childlike curiosity and openness, we free ourselves from preconceived notions, attachments, and limitations. We become willing to ask questions, take risks, trust and learn from our mistakes.

It Takes Time to Learn the New Direction life Takes Us In. 

In a world that often values expertise, instant gratification and certainty, embracing vulnerability, unexpected turns and naiveté can feel counterintuitive. However, these qualities enable us to adapt and thrive in the face of change. They remind us that it's ok not to have all the answers and that growth often requires us to step outside our comfort zones.

So, whether we're embarking on a new career path, starting a new relationship, or simply navigating the uncertainties of life or health and wellbeing, we honour ourselves to remember to embrace our learning curve and capacity to adapt. 

Being open to the unknown and trusting that embracing the new directions life takes us in can be what introduces us to a greater version and understanding of ourselves and life. After all, we often discover our greatest strength in our moments of greatest vulnerability.